but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
