I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
