3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
