did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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