My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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