peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
