Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
