I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
