Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
