Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
