I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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