He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
we made out on top of his cat.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
