do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize