I will die if light touches me.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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