Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize