smell my finger.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
