I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
