Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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