Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
