is your mom at the bar?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i drank out of a bidet.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
