For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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