I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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