One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
