Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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