you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
