Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
