just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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