i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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