i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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