How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
