Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I met the friendliest cop last night
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
