if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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