just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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