i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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