omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
