Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
