I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
