At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
