Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
3pm strippers are depressing
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize