Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
