I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
