i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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