She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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