Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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