im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
