Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
