I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
