i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
