I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
