When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
