Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
