I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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