alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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