Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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