Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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