she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
