I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Are we still banned from the library?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
