she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I need a beard to bite.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
