Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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