Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize