We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
