dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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