butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
