i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
