This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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