Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
