How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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