Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
only if we run a train.
done.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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