Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
bring money and cleavage
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize