Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
