Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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