One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
