does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize