They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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