I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
