I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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