last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You took a bar mat shot.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
