The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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