how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
