Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
