This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
