Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize