My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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