He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Randomize
