When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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