I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
