we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
