I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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