if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
