Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize