I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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