Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
