Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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