I got chris browned last night
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
