So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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