We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
