so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
