There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
