I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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