Got a toothbrush?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
