I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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