So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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