I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
