I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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