Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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