Pants 0. Shit 1.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
