Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
