So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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