the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
