you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
