So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
