If i come over, it means nothing
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
